Should I stay or should I go

I do not believe in the concept of a 'one true unique' soul-mate. And even if one did exist, it would surely be ridiculously unlikely that more than a few hundred people across the globe of 6 billion would ever find theirs. Instead it seems more likely that there are a variety of people who would be 'good enough' to have as a life partner.

So even when you are with who you think may be 'the one', there are likely to be plenty of people out there that are just as good, if not better for you. But if you were to leave your current partner in order to try and find someone better, you run the risk of not finding someone better and having irreparably discarded the person who was not the best possible partner, but the the best partner possible.

This makes the decision to settle with someone a sort of risk/reward expectancy analysis, which depends on factors like your age, your confidence and ability to meet people and how good you think your current partner is compared to the norm or to who you think you may be able to get if you were a free agent.

And from a theoretical perspective, it seems that in order to make an informed decision when the time comes, you should get a good sampling of who is out there. Sleep around, date around, be in plenty of relationships. Go on blind dates and try out people recommended by friends in case your own radar is directing you towards a particular type of person who may not be the ideal type for you. Love, lose, get your heart broken, break some hearts, rinse, repeat.

But an interesting phenomenon I have become aware of is that there are some couples I know of (friends, colleagues, friends of friends, etc) maybe in their early or mid twenties, who are planning on settling down with the partner they have had since they were 16 or so. The problem is they have absolutely no perspective. They don't know what's out there and can't possibly compare the relationship they have with what they could have with other people.

Does that mean they are foolish to settle down with the first person and only person they have ever been with? If they are happy now, should they throw it away in order to find out if they can be more happy?

Some of these people will indeed be somewhat happy for the rest of their lives. After all, in the olden times, and even in present day cultures that have arranged marriages, people tend to have one and only one partner for their whole lives. And there are plenty of stories that at least some of those involved are reasonably happy and that is without even having a say about your life partner.

But in my opinion, most people in more liberal cultures where seperation is an option will run into problems. Maybe you wake up one day when your 40 regretting that you've never tried anyone else on for size. Will that lead to resentment of your current partner, or cheating, or maybe a seperation leaving you single and alone when you are well past your dating prime? I think regret is the biggest danger. It can eat you up inside and leave you feeling that you have wasted your life.

In theory, surely it is best to enforce your own personal rule to have had at least 10 relationships of at least 3+ months by the time your 30 (or similar) and then free yourself to make a permanent commitment with someone you feel worthy. But in reality, fear of ending up alone is something that terrifies almost everybody. In my opinion, people overestimate the likelihood that their current partner is the best they are likely to find and have a tendency to 'settle' more than they should. But in reality, when you are with someone who appears to tick all the boxes and you are fairly happy, to leave them just because you haven't been with all that many different people can seem... silly.